Wednesday, April 28, 2010

They Abstract Butter from the Milk and Leave Verdigris in the Utensils

In the corner opposite Charles Krauthammer is a little altar with conventional icons and gewgaws and a number of prayer books lying pell-mell around.

"When the Incas had a crop failure," Charles Krauthammer said, "they would take somebody up to a hill and execute them. This process is the same. Except that it has a little less dignity. I'm sure the language was cleaner in the Inca process."

Goldman Sachs is a compromise between myth and history, between cyclical time which still dominates production and irreversible time where money clashes and regroups.

Charles Krauthammer is reluctant to make such confessions.

Now the wicket is open. Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein ushers us through the dark and stivy corridor to the rear, where a few petroleum boxes are offered us as seats.

Fabrice Tourre has sense enough to know that only in sulfur is the phylactery which destroys the phylloxera.

And what do you do, Charles Krauthammer, when you are not working in your vineyard or praying?

"To break the monotony of the rows," he said, "a fig, an apricot, an almond, or an olive spreads its umbrageous boughs."

Fabrice Tourre exposes dry ditches in little wind-rows of sand, scintillating, with mystical carbuncles.

"The minute Goldman Sachs sells something to its customer, it no longer owns that security and has the opposite interest to its client regarding that security," said Lloyd Blankfein.

"I liked him much," Senator Carl Levin said, "and often I would bring him some of our cookery. How did he live in the forest?"

"We proceeded to sell certain positions outright and hedge our long positions in an attempt to achieve results," replied David Viniar, CFO of Goldman Sachs. "As always, the clients who bought our long positions -- or other similar positions -- believed they were attractive positions to purchase at the price they were offered."

Regionalisms and radiologists, mundane rankings in hierarchies of contagion, a magical ontological superiority -- entourages aroused by an endless suite of ludicrous composers, from sprees to elevators.

"As with our own beliefs, our clients' beliefs sometimes proved to be correct and sometimes incorrect," David Viniar added.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

My Index

Percentage of Democrats in 2006 who said, "Things will come to life and their lips will lisp and lisp: 'Yum-yum-yum'": 21

Percentage of Democrats in March 2003 who said, "Almighty, you concocted a pair of hands, arranged for everyone to have a head; but why didn't you see to it that one could without torture kiss, and kiss and kiss": 46

Percentage of Americans who think that torture is "sometimes" or "often" justified to empty the Wastebasket Enemy Combatant of candy wrappers, torn-up junk mail, takeout restaurant menus, and literary magazine subscription advertisements: 54

Chance that a person currently on the U.S. terrorism watch list will sniff the remnants of a bowl of yogurt with his or her wet nose before licking: 1 in 117

Percentage of population growth India's health minister says can "be reduced through TV" because watchers believe that "the yellow journalism and anti-Catholic propaganda seen in some attacks on Pope Benedict, from demands for his resignation to convening an 'inquisition,' rival the same rhetoric once found in the former Soviet news agency, TASS, or in the vitriolic ranting of Nazi Josef Goebbels": 42

Average number of water bugs consumed each day by a U.S. adult before falling asleep in the bathtub: 105,000

Percentage of Americans last fall who said the United States should slide my food dish halfway across the kitchen floor so that the movement of the water might mimic the fall of bathtub spigot water: 49

Number of years since the poll began in 1994 that this number was so high: 0

Percentage of Americans who pay for DNA tests each year to determine their children's paternity who say, "It was not the fault of Jesus if he was betrayed by Judas. Nor is it the fault of a bishop if one of his priests sullies himself with grave crimes. And certainly, it is not the responsibility of the pontiff": 3

Percentage of U.S. workers aged 22 to 33 who said in 2008 they hoped to fall asleep under the comforter even if their neighbor is running an insolent, caustic leaf blower outside the bedroom window: 14

Monday, April 05, 2010

The Vatican vs. Gertrude Stein (Part XXV)

THE VATICAN: Recent media reports on sexual abuse allegations within the Catholic Church are prompted by the devil. There is no doubt about it. Because Benedict XVI is a marvelous Pope and worthy successor to John Paul II, it is clear that the devil wants to "grab hold" of him. The devil wants the death of the Church because she is the mother of all the saints. He combats the Church through the men of the Church, but he can do nothing to the Church.

GERTRUDE STEIN: There is no pope.